Talk
by GothChickSupremo
Summary: It's been nearly a month since the death of Will Gardner and Kurt McVeigh is worried about his wife. So he does the one thing that he's never been much good at- he talks.


You're worried.

Worried that she'll do something stupid. Worried that maybe she's already done something stupid that you just don't know about. In all the years you've known her, she's almost always been open and completely honest with you. Diane is the one who starts and leads the conversations between the two of you, but she doesn't do that anymore. Not since he died. She seems so far away, even though she's sitting directly in front of you, and that scares you. The way that she's staring at her salad that's hadn't been touched since it arrived, simply stabbing at it mindlessly with a fork, scares you. So you continue to watch her, which is exactly what you've been doing for the past two minutes, telling yourself that she's probably just thinking about work. Well no shit McVeigh. You know how much trouble she's having at the firm now. With Will gone, she has to deal with worried clients and spineless equity partners looking to completely pull the rug from beneath her feet. What would happen if tha  
t did happen? Because this whole not talking thing is bad enough, but how much worse would it get if she lost the only thing she has connecting herself to Will Gardner? How much farther would she drift away from you if she lost the career she's spent nearly her entire life building? You don't want to think about that. You can't think about that. You need to fix this, fix her.

"Diane."

She's slow to react to her own name but after a few beats her eyes shift upwards, connecting with your own. Though this couldn't really be considered connecting, since she's practically looking straight through you. She isn't saying anything either, of course, her only response being the slight quirk of an eyebrow. How do you even begin to approach this subject? You're terrible at talking, let alone consoling. Why the hell cant you just fix everything with a hug?

"Talk to me."

That's the best you've got at the moment, a demand to be spoken to. At least you said it with some emotion in addition to a softer tone, since apparently you aren't to good at showing any expression either. Communication is definitely not your strong hold. But you're trying and you so desperately hope she understands that, because if she doesn't that'll only make this ten times harder. Her eyes shift back down to focus on the table and for a split second you think you've lost her again, that is until she actually spoke to you for the first time that night.

"There's nothing to talk about, Kurt."

A lie. Wow, it's so bad that she's resorted to lying to you, of all people. You don't know what it's like to loose your best friend, you've never had to go through that. The only people you've ever lost is your parents, who died naturally from old age. You've never had anyone close to you be murdered, and it makes you wonder what it must feel like. It's like one moment they're right in front of you, completely full of life, then they're just gone, vanished. And there's nothing you could've done about it.

"Don't do that, Diane. I want to help you, just... Talk to me. Please."

You thought that she might show some more reluctance, or that she might get upset. But this you didn't quite expect. Her eyes shift upwards to meet your gaze and they're much colder than you remember them being. She's angry. At what, you aren't quite sure. Maybe she's angry at you, maybe she's angry at the psycho that shot her partner, or maybe she's angry at... Will?

"What do you want me to say, Kurt? That I'm depressed or something? Dear god, my best friend just died and I'm stuck fighting off the vultures. I haven't had a full nights sleep in god knows how long because all I can think about is what's going to happen next? Every single time something terrible happens, I tell myself that it could not possibly get worse but then... Then it does. It does get worse Kurt. And I honestly don't know if I'll be able to get through it this time."

You both stare at each other as you try to take in everything she just told you. The anger seems to have dissolved from her features and replacing it is a look you never wanted to see on her face, pain. Some of the people sitting close to your table in the restaurant are trying to subtly glance at you, since apparently their lives aren't interesting enough. Maybe you shouldn't have started talking out in public. You need to get her out of here because you're sure that she's about to have a meltdown and goddammit, you won't allow these strangers to see that.

"Let's go."

You keep your voice low as you stand up, grabbing her hand once she's also out of her seat and gently pulling her towards the exit. You figure that you should've probably paid before you just up and left, but you decide that they won't be too upset because you didn't pay for some salads. And if they are, you aren't to worried about it. Once both of you are in the car and pulling away from the restaurant you finally glance over at her, her arms folded tightly over her chest and her head turned to look out the window.

"You have to know that I'm here for you, Diane. You don't have to go through this by yourself."

At this she sighs, shrugging her shoulders while pulling her arms closer to herself. You can't tell if she's crying due to the fact that it's dark and you're trying to focus on the road, but you do know that she wants to. The only time you remember her allowing herself to cry over this situation was on the day Will died, nearly a month ago, but since then she's acted normal. Too normal.

"I'm tired of fighting and winning only to have to fight again. I'm tired of people lying to me. I'm tired of being sad and hiding it from everyone. I'm just... Tired."

She's practically choking on her sobs by the time she finishes so you pull the car onto the side of the road, unbuckle your seat belt, and wrap your arms around her as best you can. She leans against you, allowing you to hold her even tighter while she presses her face into your shoulder, her body shaking against yours with every muffled sob. It hurts you to see the strong, confident woman you fell in love with so defeated, but there isn't much else you can do to help her. You can't bring back William Gardner.

"I'm here Diane... You don't have to hide from me."

She pulls back from your embrace enough so that she can look into your eyes and your stunned by the love you see in her blue irises. What you're looking at couldn't possibly be put into words, but God you hope she can see the same thing in your own eyes. Because you do love her, so much more than you ever thought you would.

"I don't know how you can stand being with me, Kurt McVeigh, but I'm glad that you are."

You can't help the overwhelming sense of joy and relief when you see her smile that beautiful smile of hers, nor can you help giving her a smile of your own.

"I love you Diane Lockhart. I wouldn't have waited around for you if I didn't."

Her eyes flutter shut at your profession of your love for her and she presses her forehead against yours, her fingers running soothingly through your hair. You like this, this intimate contact you've got going on here. Her head then settles against your shoulder once more as you resume holding each other, without the tears this time.

"I'm sorry that I haven't been myself. It's hard, going through so many things at the same time... But just to be clear, all of that stuff I said earlier about giving up, it's not gonna happen. I'll fight like hell to keep my firm and if I loose... I guess I'll just start over."

You're both laughing now and you're glad that she seems to be returning to her usual confident, ambitious self. But you sure hope she gets to stay at Lockhart & Gardner, or whatever the heck they're calling it now, and not because it'll cost who knows how much money to start a new firm. You're hopeful that she wins this battle so that you can see her truly happy and not stressed out, even if it's only for a little while.

"You'll win, Diane Lockhart. No matter what happens, you will win."


End file.
